C is for Consume

Consume

To Lack. To Satiate. To Conjure. To Attach. To Rely. To Pervert.

To consume is to satiate, but satiation is not what we need. Consumption flails itself against the wall of necessity while grace inlays its foundation. Grace is to take in an object without making it into one. It is a detachment without destruction. It is the only gesture towards understanding. "The only way of salvation is to replace the unendurable idea of compulsion, not by the illusion of devotion, but by the notion of necessity."

I am Adam just as you are Adam and as free will allows us the privilege of consumption it devours us whole. We are taken by entropic repetition and willingly destroy what was (and is still) our greatest gift. Even the good is stained with blood. The rain only thins it out and spreads it infinitely deep but it cannot make it white again. Our pleasure is a plaster cast that hardens over it and elicits sympathy from our Dionysian caravans. We soon forget the cost of this gift and even more the granter. How foolish our simple minds and how simple the gesture of our ingratitude. What pains me more still is our heart's wayward unrest.

What can sever us from this great gift other than our own decaying flesh? Our choice is either to consume and attach (gravity) or to flee and detach (Grace). We must detach. flee yes, but flee with fervor and devotion. flee with every fiber of He who rests within you. Flee from the treacherous flood that makes stray our wandering spirit. This is by no means an escape. "To escape by a return to the primitive state is a lazy solution. We have to rediscover the original pact between the spirit and the world in this very civilization of which we form a part." (Weil, Algebra) We must insert distance before we can move forth. And although our breath stops short of progress, we must learn to play the lyre. Hold onto hopeful twigs of truth and be guided alone by what is absolute.

As Paul mourns a battle of wills (Romans 7), I too stand upon the front lines of metaphysical warfare and cast shadows into the valley below. It is most difficult to fight for what has already been won but I have hidden deep your white flag. The ground is far from me and I much dislike the taste of earth. I am weak with pride which suspends my apparent whole, absently. I am consumed. As you pervert me I pervert me. Unjust appears as just, so as I am undone I undo you also.

"Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death?" (Romans 7:24)

Lord Jesus Christ, Son of God, have mercy on me, a sinner.

D is for Distance.